SIBERIA, PERU, AND THE CLAY CAFE - MY ADVENTURES

[The lights come up on a the small clearing buried deep in a dense forest. Over the centuries, the sky has pulled the trees ever closer like an enormous tree-magnet, the trees' great branch arms have extended out in the ultimate morning stretch and their leaves have grown thick. Probably time for a shave, tree? But also, it is your tree body and you are entitled to do what you want with it. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Anyway, the leaves have grown so thick, merging together so that it is difficult to tell where one leaf ends and the other begins. The canopy blocks out the sky, making it near impossible for even the tiniest droplet of sun-fire to make its way to the forest floor. Much like in the human world, as the living dwell above, the dead dwell below (I know we all have our different beliefs but can we go with this one for now? For the sake of the metaphor?) ... the dead dwell below, so the forest works much the same. Above, the new leaves sprout, grow and serve their time and purpose. But all leaves face the same fate, death is inevitable, and one day a particularly strong gust of wind will pluck them from their branches, taking them from their friends and fami-leaves and send them to the Underworld (the forest floor). Here they decompose, the lose their lively green colour but they do not lose their purpose. In the Underworld, they are given a new purpose. That purpose is to do whatever leaves on a forest floor do. For more information watch the super cool Planet Earth episode about forests. It's the business.

Our attention is drawn to a large pile of moss on STAGE RIGHT, there are perhaps a few mushrooms growing atop said pile. The mossy mass begins to move, small critters scurrying to safety, twigs, dirt, and dead leaves plume out in every which way. From beneath, a creature emerges, wrapped blankets and chains, from which about 30 empty tea mugs dangle. That creature is me.]

Hello, it's been a while. Where have I been? Well, it is a truly remarkable tale. Buckle up. A few weeks ago I decided that I had had enough of the capitalist world, everything was share prices! the stock market! taxes! international trade! other words about the economy! (holy heck though, can we talk about the petrol price? Dear Larry, it's a catastrophe). I had had enough. I sold all of my possession except for a tin of shoe polish, a butter-knife, a head-torch, and a hessian sack to keep it all in. The essentials. I made sure I had enough money to buy 1kg of lentils and another kg of frozen peas before setting off into the wild (have you ever snacked on frozen peas? It's pretty good). My journey started in the most Northern part of Siberia (because, geographically, that made sense. It's very close to Cape Town). I trekked through the unforgiving terrain for months, fighting off mammoths with the lid of the shoe polish tin, learning to make flame torches by rubbing the butter knife against stones and using the strange red laser beam on my head-torch to cut through my food. By the time I reached Siberia's neighbouring country, Peru, my footwear had disintegrated, leaving me with only the laces to tie around my bare feet. I had to re-purpose the hessian sack and make new shoes. Two very kind moles offered to work as the soles of the shoes. They helped me immensely, carrying me about when my legs became too weak to walk. I owe them my life. I hope they are doing well. In Peru I met Paddington's ancestors (they live in Deepest Darkest, the suburb just off the M-Tree), and we shared tales over a fire of marmalade flames. My time there was sublime but I had to move on. Adventure was calling. I bid farewell to the kind bear family and set off deeper into the jungle. One day, I decided to take a nap and overslept so outstandingly that I turned into a pile of moss. And that is where you found me.

So, that dear friends, is why I have not made a post since the early 14th century. It is absolutely not because I have spent most of this week wrapped in a blanket, snacking on frozen peas, and without WiFi. Frankly, I am offended you would even suggest that. Here is a photo of me next to an enormous tree in Peru just to prove you all wrong!

Nature!

Because I am an adult, I forgive you for your rude assumptions.

For argument's sake, maybe that was all a lie. Maybe the tree in that photo is, I don't know, a piece of broccoli? If it was, then what have I been doing? Let's entertain this though, shall we? This is all going to sound quite fantastical and so it should because it's totally not was happened. Oh my goodness, this is going to be so ridiculous, I don't even know how I'm going to make this up.

Maybe I have spent two days of this week (the bad weather days) wrapped in a blanket and occasionally, maybe, sometimes snacking on frozen peas. On the other days, Cape Town has been a delight and given us some 10/10 days which caused complete chaos as people submerged themselves in vats of sun-block and ran over innocent civilians in order to get to the beach. I had a venture to the Clay Cafe in Hout Bay which was a wholesome experience. For anyone who doesn't know, one goes to The Clay Cafe to spend the day painting a clay item of choice. It is then thrown into Dante's inferno to ensure your life's work never fades and is collected three weeks later. One must then whip out the item at every opportunity and say, "look, I made this at The Clay Cafe" and the crowds will cheer and stamp their feet

The odds of you not having a wholesome experience at The Clay Cafe are pretty slim. However, if there is a children's party going on then it's a hell hole. This is why my mother and I carefully planned to go at 9:30 on a Wednesday morning, hopefully there would not be a child in sight. The universe smiled upon us and granted our wish. In fact, we were so blessed that we got to experience a party of three old ladies coming on a fun outing. We first came in to contact with this delightfully wrinkled trio when they shuffled up to our table looking rather stressed. They had serious and determined flames in their eyes and declared that they were "looking for inspiration". We were then grilled as to where we had gotten our inspiration from? Had we arrived with a plan? Had we seen something on that site about Interesting Pins? Or were we being completely off the wall and going with the flow. They were very impressed when we said that we were, in fact, just going with the flow. They then shuffled off to choose their items and get to work. I spent the rest of the time imagining how this date had been arrange, I like to think it all took place over email.

To: berylsemailaddress@telkomsa.co.za; felicityscomputermail@iafrica.net

From: dorothyandhusband@mweb.co.za

Subject: An E-Mail to "The Girls" : Girl's Day Out! Let's get creative!

Hello Ladies!

I think we are well overdue for another "Girl's Day Out"! I realised this morning that it has been over 2 months since our last "GDO", can you believe it? That open garden and tea feels like only yesterday. I was thinking to myself, "Dorothy, what would something fun to suggest to the girls? Something a bit different? Something quirky!" And then it came to me! My grandson had his birthday party at a little spot in Hout Bay called "The Clay Cafe" which sounds absolutely darling. What do you say girls? Something a bit silly! Arts and craftsy!

Best wishes!

Dorothy x

Beryl and Felicity no doubt thought this was the best idea since slip on shoes. Painting mugs? What fun!

And what fun it was to watch an old lady painting a clay rabbit. A few of her bolder artistic choices included the heart stickers on the rabbit's eyes and a bright pink bow (which she asked an employee to painting for her, she was clearly finding it all too overwhelming). Unfortunately, I did not stay to see the final product. I am considering buying it for thousands of buckaroons when I go back to collect the mug I painted (which an absolute piece of trash compared to that rabbit).

Which story is true? I guess, like the lyrics to "Work" by Rhianna (feat. Drake), we will never know.

I hope to be back a bit more regularly from now. Fingers crossed.

Thanks for reading!

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